by normal standards i’m not reaching old maid status or anything, but by mormon cultural standards i think my expiration date is nearing. at least that’s what my 9 year old sister rachel thinks. for the past three years rachel has become increasingly more upset with me. her main goal in life is to achieve her coveted “aunt hood” status – and since i am not married, nor am i reproducing – i am definitely the cause of her angst.
wednesday night, 8:30ish, enter conversation with robin and her mother:
mom: oh, i have to put rachel on the phone before she bursts.
(note, it is customary for the new person in the conversation to, oh, i don’t know, maybe say, “hey, how are you?” or to give me an update on 4th grade and the flute section of monte vista elementary school band… not rachel)
rachel: okay robin, my teacher can get married before you! what do you think about that!?
robin: well she’s probably older than me.
rachel: no you are OLDER. i can’t believe my TEACHER is going to get married before YOU! you’re never getting married! you’re going to be like 90 and old and not married and still no boyfriend and you’re going to think, geez why didn’t i have a boyfriend ever?!
(i’m glad my youngest sibling exhibits such extraordinary faith in me)
rachel: what’s wrong with you? why do you never like boys? it’s not that hard to get a boyfriend. and you’ll never get married if you don’t have a boyfriend!
robin: what is your teacher’s name?
rachel: ms. lee but when she get’s married she’ll be mrs. earl. so they were hiking in the mountains with his family.
robin: who was?
rachel: ms. lee! they were on top of the mountain and his family walked away and she was like, hey where are you guys going? come back! and then he asked her to marry him and the ring has his grandma’s diamond they put in it. i think they’re getting married next year.
robin: rachel, don’t worry about it. i’ll get married.
rachel: no you won’t. you’re going to be old and still no boyfriend! bye.
mission accomplished. she is such a little creep! what 9 year old is obsessed with being an aunt?! i get no pressure from my parents but rachel is relentless. last week she called me and said she could be my nanny if i had kids. i told her she needed to be 18, and she said she’d just say she was “small for her size.”