the next time i’m at a house party filled with single kids hitting on each other and i railroad the event to satisfy my selfish desires by turning it into a dance party… please please please remind me to never help my friend meet a guy even if she asks forlornly and he looks semi-cute… because i don’t think i can manage living through the humiliation i brought upon myself again.
friend: that guy over there in the doorway is totally my type.
guy-in-doorway is standing by guy-who-lives-in-house… my girls are ready to exit said party so i initiate a conversation with guy-who-lives-in-house… stalling just long enough to include my girls in the conversation. the conversation is smooth, we all are laughing, i transition it so we are talking to guy-in-doorway. but slowly i begin to realize something is wrong with the situation… guy-in-doorway is answering some questions vaguely and guy-who-lives-in-house is smirking.
meanwhile two girls sitting on the stairs are giving us ice-glares.
smirking-guy-who-lives-in-house says: that’s guy-in-doorway’s wife over there. [pointing to ice-glare-stair-girl]
for some reason i was on the 10 second delay… by the time i registered exactly what he said it was beyond the point of an awkward pause. all of the girls, one by one said something about how we needed to go. it was embarrassingly obvious that we lost interest upon hearing the ‘wife’ word.
we couldn’t get out of the house fast enough… i was still in shock. it’s not every day you are caught hitting on someone’s husband AND the sad part was i wasn’t even interested in married-guy-in-doorway . i was purely trying to get my friend to meet and talk to who i thought was just guy-in-doorway. a while later we all laughed about it… but i was extremely peeved that married-guy-in-doorway would go to a singles meat market party without giving us any clear warning signs that he is off the market… and for the record, he never once took his left hand out of his pocket.
i’m going to go commission my new t-shirts today… “i heart other people’s husbands”