who does that!? who actually craves corn dogs? especially when the girl craving one, hates hot dogs. the bizarre craving made me do one of those “throw your head back and laugh” laughs because of what preceded it.
i was having a disgusting day… sometimes disgusting days can morph into a disgusting week… and it doesn’t necessarially have to be that week. disgusting days are much more intense than bad hair days. i figured everyone had them every now and then. you know the days… when every physical imperfection either realistically perceived or exageratedly imagined rushes into your thoughts. you think about how your stomach isn’t flat or how you don’t have “swish” hair or about your sickly white skin or how you don’t have a swim suit body… a gremlins process ensues – one flaw rapidly yields a plethera of other areas where you find you are incredibly mediocre…
i’ve had a guitar for years and i don’t play. i don’t speak spanish like could. i’m losing my portuguese. i don’t read enough or learn enough. i didn’t go to grad school. i am not in a city i thought i’d be in by now. i’m getting old.
you get the idea… you quickly become disgusted with yourself….
on top of all of that i read an article somewhere that said if women aren’t in the best shape of their life by age 30, there’s no hope. with that mile stone just about a year and a half away i decided to be proactive… i went to the gym and worked out so hard. i set goals. i used weights and machines i usually don’t… and then i ran into dave from work.
dave: hey how are you.
me: eh, alright. i’m kind of having a disgusting day.
dave: (looks puzzled)
me: you know, like one of those days when you just feel fat and gross?
dave: (still looks puzzled)
me: have you never had a day like that?
dave gives an emphatic no
me: oh. do they only happen to girls?!
dave: i guess.
in that moment i wanted so badly to be a boy. are you kidding me?? no days of disgust? no self-loathing? i really was amazed when i left the gym, and i felt much better. i was tired and sore… and i had an odd craving for a corn dog…