just say no.

i grew up under the nancy reagan campaign of “just say no to drugs and alcohol.” i proudly wore my t-shirt with the slogan graffitied on a puff paint brick wall.

my brothers were part of the dare to keep kids off drugs regime. they frequently wore their black or red d.a.r.e. shirts… and still do. saturday mornings we found out that an egg sizzling in a frying pan or on a hot sidewalk (we lived in arizona) would be our brains on drugs.

this week i got to sit through an hour long mandatory meeting titled “drug free workplace training.” i’m not really sure what i thought we’d learn about… i guess i expected it to be kind of like the frying brain on drugs commercial. well it was like that psa, but on speed, literally.

here’s what i learned about crystal methamphetamine.

  • meth is also called ice, speed, crank and bunch of other stuff that i just thought were cool slang words or dance moves
  • i now know what ingredients to buy to make the stuff
  • sudafed is bad
  • somewhere back in american history doctors actually prescribed meth
  • you can make meth in a coffee pot
  • you can easily make your meth lab a traveling one by packing it up in the trunk of your car
  • if you are going to make the meth, you really should wear protective clothing or even hazmat gear because the fumes are dangerous and things might explode (especially mobile homes)
  • don’t make meth with your kids around
  • meth rots your teeth, particularly a bunch of people’s teeth in tennessee
  • watching dentists do what they do is painful, even if you don’t have meth mouth
  • one lady was pretty upset that because of meth she lost her cars… oh and her kids
  • apparently the meth problem in hawaii pumps trillions of dollars into the mainland so the meth money doesn’t even stay in the hawaiian economy, and that’s bad
  • remember that creepy movie where the guy thinks things are crawling under his skin and he claws the skin on his face off? well that really happens to you if you’re on meth
  • meth is sold in grams and it’s really expensive
  • and if you want to lose weight, take meth

the only thing i didn’t learn was where to buy lye and battery acid… i’ll have to do a little internet research.

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