a good friend taught me that line. “t-y-b!” she’d yell as we drove past a guy, “that’s your boyfriend!” and she’d wink. usually this guy would be quite scroungy looking. long, shaggy hair, possibly homeless. or he might be one of those nearly naked runners. you know the ones… with leathery tan skin and hairy chests. they usually carry their shirt while they run leaving you to forever wonder why they don’t just wear it, or leave it home at least! others would be prime candidates for “what not to wear” or they may be involved with some kind of biker gang, or any other gang for that matter. if the guy was exceptionally older, shorter, fatter or foreign it would be even funnier.
sadly i don’t get to play the t-y-b game so much any more. but i try to convince my sisters and any single friends just how entertaining the game can be! but if i were to play the game, i’d call dibs on the fedex guy (even though he’d be out ruled as a potential t-y-b-er since he is normal).
let me explain. for those of you just joining us… i quit my job, got married and moved to seattle. after three months of job searching and interviewing i was starting to wonder what life on the streets would be like — since that’s where we’d be in a few months with no rent money! luckily (read: thank goodness for craigslist) i applied for a receptionist position at a non profit. i figured after not getting a call back at real jobs or fake ones for that matter i could at least be a receptionist. the boss man hired me for a made-up pr/editor/writerish job. he hired someone else for the receptionist job. we’ll call her “q.”
well it didn’t take long for “q” to really tick everyone off. she was rude, confrontational, abrasive, inappropriate and had horrible grammar. probably the icing on the cake was an email that went out to the entire office (including both the ceo & coo). it said, “i must be in heat. did any of y’all see the fedex man? he is hooooot!”
within a few weeks “q” was replaced by me. i now man the front desk (ironically the job i originally applied for) while doing my “made-up” duties. sitting at the front desk i have quickly become friends with the mailman, the ups lady, the office max delivery guy and said hot fedex man.
hot fedex man loves to call me rt. yesterday he stopped by the office twice since we were shipping something overnight. he said, “ah, did you miss me rt?” today, while i was minding my own “front desk business” i looked up and through our window i saw a flash of purple at the drug testing office across the hall. the purple dashed back to the window. hot fedex man pointed at me, waved and was on his way. too bad laura wasn’t nearby so i could yell “t-y-b!!!”
maybe my fedex boyfriend is a sign. a few months ago christian told me what his dream job was (other than owning and running a golf course). he said based on certain criteria 1) he is task oriented 2) he likes driving 3) he is fast 4) he likes to cross things off a list 5) he enjoys limited conversation 6) he’s always in a hurry anyway 7) he doesn’t want to bring work home 8) his favorite color is brown… yep, you guessed it. my j.d. husband dreams of being a ups man.