after years of fending off the mis-information my friends received regarding me as a mormon i thought i had weathered it all! no we* don’t have horns. yes we wear special underwear. no it isn’t made out of burlap. yes the underwear can be removed. no we don’t own coca-cola or pepsi corporations. no we don’t drink alcohol, not even wine. no i don’t know how to make coffee. yes i drink pop. no we don’t have multiple mothers married to the same father. yes we can wear bathing suits. no we don’t eat jell-o daily. no we aren’t required to have trampolines. yes we can dance. no we are not a cult. yes we are christians.
i became the go-to mormon for several friends. no matter where they were in the country, they were quick to call me with their inquiries and then i’d hear them setting their friends straight in the background. sometimes it can be quite comedic… like when my boss demands to know how many points i could potentially receive for baptizing him, a jew. (no, we don’t get points).
but lately there has been more of an entertainment push to incorporate mormons into television programming and movies. one of my all time favorites is Ocean’s 11. you can’t beat the hilarious brothers from provo!
then this season, house had a potential job candidate who was a very non-typical mormon when people think of blonde, blue eyed girls from utah. he was a black single father. while some people were up in arms about his character on the show, i loved that house called him big love.
so last night while watching an episode of law & order: special victims unit i was shocked to find out some really vital information regarding people of my faith:
“everyone knows mormons make the best nannies. they come from big families, they don’t drink or smoke… and they speak english.”
and as the story unfolds… they apparently move to big cities to work as nannies while their boyfriends are on missions. they get lonely and start chatting with creepy men on line. they start wearing short/slutty skirts. they then hook-up with the creepy men. and eventually they become the victim the special victim’s unit is investigating…
prime time doesn’t get much better than that!! honestly. all young mormon women within sight of my blog… please do not fall to the evil trap of nannying! it will only lead to short skirts and your eventual homicide!
*for all purposes here “we” is referring to the global “we” of all mormons.