choose the right.

a strange phenomenon has been occurring the past few months. i sit at the front desk of suite 200. from my little desk i can see the fish tank, the lobby, the front door, and through the front door window i can see the fine business across the hall — suite 206.

suite 206, while brandishing a curious name plate : EMSI Examination Management Services, Inc. does two very non-curious things… fingerprinting and drug testing. not too difficult, right? well this summer when people swarmed my desk asking where TSA was located i quickly realized that our luggage may not be in the best hands! i mean, if they can’t follow directions to do this? how can they possibly protect us from potential hazardous suitcases?!

in any case, no less than 4 people a day stare aimlessly at the board on the wall. i watch them through my window and wait for them to not turn left and walk successfully into EMSI, suite 206, but time and time again they turn right. they turn right, they stumble towards me, dumbstruck and confused. before they piece together a question, i say, “drug testing? finger printing?” they look relieved and i send them back the way the came.

after weeks of complaining a sign appeared, “hazardous material fingerprinting site” with an arrow pointing to suite 206. but still they came. of course they would. the sign should have said, “need to pee in a cup or get fingerprinted?” but it didn’t. and they resisted the prompting to turn left, and they chose the right. they came forlornly searching for a place to administer a drug test. they came desperately seeking finger printing services. i banged my head on my desk, repeatedly. i pointed them across the hall to the big door with a 206 on it. they had the nerve to question my knowledge. “are you sure?” “the office right there?” “oh, that one right there across the hall? really?” i shooed them away, just to have more return hourly, daily, weekly.

attempts by bossman to make the situation light were only appreciated by our staff. he had a sign printed up and put a cup of apple juice next to it. the sign read, “we sell clean urine, inquire within.” we had no inquiries… just lost souls.

think twice before you aimlessly enter an establishment asking directions. do your part! follow directions! read your map. read the office signs and for pity’s sake if you want suite 206 don’t go into suite 200!! and if you want suite 102 don’t go into suite 200!! for general reference the first number of the suite reflects the floor number.

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