cry babies on april fool’s.

about four years ago i tried to play the best april fool’s prank on my little sister. before you hand over the world’s worst big sister award, let me just say her actions preceded the prank… even if she was only 9.

so you have to understand a few things. mormon families are known to be larger. i am the oldest of five (small by mormon standards). there are 16 years between myself and my littlest sister rachel. to give you perspective, rachel was born the summer before my junior year of high school. all of my friends from two kid families thought we were pretty weird. i mean, no one was singing “zero population is the answer my friend” or anything but they did think we were weirdos. if i went anywhere with my sisters people thought they were my daughters (physically i couldn’t have had a kid when i was 12 but who was really counting years here!?) not to mention the fact that i successfully attended byu, served a mission and graduated from byu without getting married (no you don’t get your tuition back). my last day at work on campus a kid even said to me, “man, you don’t even have a boyfriend!? and you are leaving utah!??!?! what are you going to do?” it hadn’t occurred to me that i needed to do anything. i was going to washington dc to do my internship and that was that.

well little by little almost every single girl i ever babysat or was a girls’ camp counselor for started to get married. and then they started having babies. well this didn’t go over well with my youngest sister. she had all these little friends who were already aunts and uncles. she realized that she had been slighted and the hate mail began to come my way.

hate mail exhibit:
so april fool’s day 2004 i hatched the best plan. i called to tell rachel a very important secret. she was getting more and more excited– finally i broke it to her, “rachel, guess what!?” she quickly blurted out, “someone engaged you!?” “yes!” i said, “but you can’t tell anyone!” and then i faked her out and said he was calling me right now and could i call her right back? i waited a few minutes, called her back. she eagerly answered and i (apparently maliciously) said “APRIL FOOL’S!” i couldn’t have planned for her reaction. she was instantly, mega-ly, beyond consoling and sobbing into the phone. through the shudders i heard “wwwhhhhhy wooooulddd youuuuuu liiiiieee tttttooooo meeeeeee! dooooonnnnn’ttttttt yooooouuuuu waaaaaaaaanttt tooooo gggeeeeetttt maaaaarrrrriiieeed??? whyyyyyyyy dooooooo yoooooooooooouuu teeeeeellll allllll thhhhheee boooooyyyyys noooooooo!?!?” i still don’t know who all those boys were that i was telling off. i asked her to find mom and then i explained everything to her. so there you have it. an april fool’s joke that went very wrong. the surgeon general needs a warning label on this holiday stat! may cause emotional distress to youngsters hoping to be aunts!”

i should have stuck with the goofy pranks. like this. or like my bossman. today he taped a sign across the hall. it instructed people that regulations had changed and a 1/2 cup specimen would no longer be acceptable. only full cups. it then offered them all the water they could drink to make their office visit more pleasant. it also directed them to our office where we would be selling “clean” urine samples. what do i do you ask? oh, that’s right, i sell pee. april fool’s!


5 thoughts on “cry babies on april fool’s.

  1. >You are too cruel!!! I always love a good ole rachel story. I’ll never forget about the one with the purse and the note about Asia. You have such a cute, “weird Mormon family!”

  2. >What purse/asia/me/note story? and yes that was me who blurted everything out to the whole congregation…I’m still mad at you for this robin.(April Fools ’04) & no I don’t hold grudges.

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