someday you will ache like i ache.

“do you think you’ll raise your kids here?” we get asked this more and more. here being seattle. kids being our future, currently non-existent, nearly non-discussed kids. christian usually defers to me. “christian really likes the pacific northwest.” by deflecting it’s obvious that i, do not. at least, i do not love it yet. it is not home to me yet. i quickly follow with, “but if christian gets hired full time at microsoft, we will be here forever.”

forever as in f-o-r-e-v-e-r.

i don’t know why seattle is taking so long to grow on me. i was in love with dc before i even saw it in 7th grade. when i was six, my parents left my baby brother and i to fly across the country. they returned from my aunt and uncle’s wedding with a picture of the washington dc temple. that beautiful temple moved with me from house to house. it grew up with me. i loved it, not even knowing that one day it would be my temple. the point is, i gave my love freely to the district. but my love still flows generously towards utah’s mountains. my heart is also trapped in arizona’s big sunsets and thunderstorms. and every so often, something reminds me of my commonwealth and i ache for virginia’s shenandoah valley, potomac river, bridges and history.

now, here i am, two years into my seattle stint. this stint could be a lifetime and i am like an overly picky girl refusing another date – i’m unwilling to find his greenery attractive. or his lakes and sound breathtaking. i think his personality is rather dreary and gray. his heritage and names are foreign to me. i feel like this is just a fling.

today in a downpour i drove bossman’s lexus back to the office. his radio is usually tuned to something twangy. i adjusted to the lithium station. alice in chains. hole. foo fighters. nirvana. tonic. weezer. pearl jam. and suddenly something clicked. each song reminded me of home. home during high school. home of music i love. home of something familiar. and slowly, i felt like i was waking up to the idea that i have been in like with seattle for a while now. the love will come.


10 thoughts on “someday you will ache like i ache.

  1. >Maybe you and my sister-in-law could get together and commiserate. My brother started graduate school at UW and she (a southern California girl) is not quite sure how she feels about it yet. Although she does like the idea of winter in Seattle than in Rexburg.

  2. >Since it’s a west coast marine climate, I would be wondering why there are no Marines there? Um, like, you know, why’s it all Navy anyway?And as to the lithium radio – try the classic rock station, pre-1978 or so… you’ll feel SO much better! Program it in to the second FM series, button #6. Your boss will never know.

  3. >I feel this way every day and probably will until Kenny retires from the foreign service. I love the idea of raising my kids in the same town with the same neighbors in the house forever. But, I also love the idea of living in and seeing the world first hand. There is a hole in my soul where Hawaii and DC will always live and usually it is a bittersweet one.

  4. >Perhaps my favorite post yet. I love all those places! I’ve only been to Seattle once for a week years ago, though. It was sunny the whole time. I heart the fish market. That’s probably my lame touristy side.

  5. >Bi, I have to laugh because Seattle is one of my home places! One of my earliest memories is riding the ferry to Victoria while my family was on vacation. While my brother served his mission, I became familiar with the names: Kent, Renton, Bellevue, Kirkland, Redmond- the next time we drove through, I felt like I was coming home. Although I have never lived in Seattle, it is a place I love. I guess it is time to visit!

  6. >girl, remind me how long you’ve been here…It honestly took me 2 years to love the northwest (portland) and another year to adjust to Seattle. Now it honestly feels like him. I will say however that I’m still not sure if I can see myself raising kids here. Too futuristic of a thought. Fun blog!

  7. >I just found your blog from Segullah. I live in Poulsbo, across the water from you Seattle folks. It’s been 9 years now and I absolutely adore the Northwest. It takes a while to grow on you though, kind of like moss.

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