about a month ago i walked into something very familiar. the intensity of phones ringing. people frantically talking and typing. televisions blaring from every desk. obscenity laced rants. i was immersed back into television news discussing blocks, leads, packages, live shots… but it was not a welcome return.
in a mere hour and a half my heart finally made a decision my mind had been dragging its feet on for two years now.
i walked away a little stunned – and over the next week i felt true grief. i felt as if i were mourning the loss of something close to me. something living. something, i would never recover. doing probably the only thing he could, christian just let me cry. i cried for the loss of a dream. i ached over past decisions which had closed seattle’s doors to my dream. slowly i came out of my despair, realizing if i were to go back to fall 2006 i would still marry christian, knowing what that would mean.
that grief and mourning process i went through seems almost trivial when compared to the awful rawness of this past week. the beehive i referred to in kindred spirits lost one of her little twin brothers suddenly. thursday, hundreds gathered to say goodbye, but his funeral was unlike any i have ever attended. it was light and love and goodness and peace. it was a celebration. i sobbed while his fifth grade class sang their hearts out as their music teacher danced and played guitar. his sister’s pure voice rang out. his cousins sang. the congregation joined in on let it be… times of trouble… hour of darkness… broken hearted people… there is still a light.
it was beautifully tragic – and yet it was a joyous testament to our divinity, to the reality that her family will once again be whole, that our heavy things, no matter how small, can be turned to the Lord and we can be comforted, lifted and rescued.
–you must tell it, umfundisi. is it heavy?
–it is very heavy, umnumzana. it is the heaviest thing of all my years.
cry, the beloved country; alan paton