heavy things.

about a month ago i walked into something very familiar. the intensity of phones ringing. people frantically talking and typing. televisions blaring from every desk. obscenity laced rants. i was immersed back into television news discussing blocks, leads, packages, live shots… but it was not a welcome return.

in a mere hour and a half my heart finally made a decision my mind had been dragging its feet on for two years now.

i walked away a little stunned – and over the next week i felt true grief. i felt as if i were mourning the loss of something close to me. something living. something, i would never recover. doing probably the only thing he could, christian just let me cry. i cried for the loss of a dream. i ached over past decisions which had closed seattle’s doors to my dream. slowly i came out of my despair, realizing if i were to go back to fall 2006 i would still marry christian, knowing what that would mean.

that grief and mourning process i went through seems almost trivial when compared to the awful rawness of this past week. the beehive i referred to in kindred spirits lost one of her little twin brothers suddenly. thursday, hundreds gathered to say goodbye, but his funeral was unlike any i have ever attended. it was light and love and goodness and peace. it was a celebration. i sobbed while his fifth grade class sang their hearts out as their music teacher danced and played guitar. his sister’s pure voice rang out. his cousins sang. the congregation joined in on let it be… times of trouble… hour of darkness… broken hearted people… there is still a light.

it was beautifully tragic – and yet it was a joyous testament to our divinity, to the reality that her family will once again be whole, that our heavy things, no matter how small, can be turned to the Lord and we can be comforted, lifted and rescued.

–you must tell it, umfundisi. is it heavy?
–it is very heavy, umnumzana. it is the heaviest thing of all my years.
cry, the beloved country; alan paton



8 thoughts on “heavy things.

  1. >Late last summer one of my Boy Scouts was killed in a boating accident during a family vacation. So many people wanted to come to a memorial service that they got permission to hold it in the gymnasium of his middle school. The place was filled.Most of the people there that day had not attended a funeral of this type. It was a celebration, not remorseful. I felt sad because others were so sad, but I was not so sad for the boy.And almost everyone had a part in the event. I think the true message was sent, and received.We have been at good byes like this before, with the very people who leave us now. Except that time we knew when those we loved were going to leave. It was probably more joyous as we had a different understanding of that next step in our paths of eternal progress. While we may have missed them, we knew it was a mere good bye for a while.Again, we understand now that it is a good bye. But the leaving part is what hits us differently, I think. Sometimes sudden, sometimes not, often the full understanding is more veiled and cloudier…

  2. >I’m so sorry for your heavy things recently. Thank you for the link–such a sad, but faithful, story. I’m sorry you had something like this to share, but greatful you did. Take care.

  3. >Giving up things or making decisions is hard. I cried almost every day for a year after I quit teaching; then I only cried every other day for the next year. The third year I was thankful for my decisions. I’m sorry for all the heavy things.

  4. >Sometimes life just sucks and then we move on. I am glad that you have a good attitude about life even when it’s not so great. I love to hear your thoughts on life and thanks for allowing everybody to get a glimps even when it’s tough.

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