congratulations.

remember the cats?

apparently, stand up comics should get their material in the doctor’s office. specifically, lying half-naked on an exam table.

no one told me there was more than one kind of ultrasound. i found out last summer in a less than ideal situation. shouldn’t people tell you those kinds of things?

anyways, i got over it.

i was more than prepared for another go. i was concerned. it’d been six months and nothing. meanwhile, everyone around me seemed to be revealing growing bellies and preparing for spring and summer babies. well, not everyone. but, i kind of have baby blinders on. so that’s how i found myself, on the table, enduring the never-ending ultrasound.

it was all very soothing and calm. the room was warm, the lights were dim. the technician very soft-spoken.

i kept staring at the monitor.

i kept thinking about how crazy it had been when i saw the teeny black and white beating of a heart on the screen back in june. i thought about how i sat in the parking lot and called christian. just to tell him i saw it even though i didn’t really understand what i saw because it seemed so surreal.

back in the soothing, warm, dim room.

i kept subconsciously willing the monitor to miraculously sprout a baby we had overlooked. it didn’t.

after the ultrasound was complete, the technician left to get the doctor. i laid there, on the crinkly paper, waiting.

finally a short, asian doctor walked in and smiling a huge grin with outstretched arms declared a cheerful,

“CONGRATULATIONS!”

i was stunned. congratulations? did a baby sprout? maybe he was in the wrong room. congratulations? did he get the charts mixed up?

after a pause with me awkwardly waiting for some followup commentary he said just as exuberantly,

“uterine lining good! ovaries good! everything looks good! congratulations!”

after i dressed the hilarity of it all struck me. really? that’s your intro line? in an office where congratulations means pretty much one thing, that’s what you’re going with?

well then, thank you, no one has ever congratulated me on such nice ovaries and uterine lining!

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4 thoughts on “congratulations.

  1. Oh the joys of being grown up. (And being a grown up woman to be exact.) I suppose that whatever else happens in life, you can always comfort yourself with the thought that you will never — ever — have to have a prostate exam.

  2. Yeah… those are fun, aren’t they. And they give no warning… my sister just had one to look for cysts. She thought they were going to do the whole gel on the belly. Um, no. Congrats does seem like the wrong thing to say, but I will follow the doctor’s lead. Yeah for your lining and ovaries 🙂

  3. Uh, that was a weird way to put it but at least it wasn’t bad news! Doctors are so weird- sorry. I’m really proud of you for continuing to blog cause well, you are very good and insightful and I’ve missed it! Love you guys!

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