oh life, it’s bigger, it’s bigger than you.

a few sundays ago i discussed one of my favorite stories with my little class.

it’s about enos and his famous hunting trip that didn’t yield any wild beasts but did conclude with an all-day, all-night prayer through which he heard the voice of god. and was forgiven.

“and i will tell you of the wrestle i had before god,” enos begins.

the idea of wrestling perplexed them. no matter how we talked about it, praying mightily didn’t translate well into a figurative wrestling for them.

but they did understand that enos prayed much longer and harder than they ever have. and they understood that god answered him.

i’ve been dealing with the idea of happiness.

specifically of how it relates to us when certain things rock our world that we can’t change. or when we ask for something that is not given. or when our circumstances do not offer any bending. or when our families are forever altered. or when we feel no matter our effort, we are not fulfilling our potential.

in the middle of that fight, how do we come to find the strength to lift our heads when we are weary of our struggles like job?

people are very eager to offer answers. those answers are easier said than felt. well-wishers can be both amusing and hurtful. but when it comes to it, the answer must be found through a personal battle.

i am in the middle of my own wrestling with god.

others speak of coming to peace with whatever they fight. “thou he slay me, yet will i trust in him…” (job 13:15). i have read books, articles and blogs, all showcasing people dealing with very bitter struggles. their wrestles with god lasted longer than a night. some were never resolved. and yet, there was a moment when their hearts changed. they were able to be happy despite, or in some cases, because of their weary lives.

i don’t know how long it will be for you. for us it was years. but one day you will gain an eternal perspective, and you will feel peace not pain, hope not despair.

ardeth kapp is speaking specifically about struggling to have children. while i relate to her, that is not the only struggle behind my post.

i could easily be mad at god that snooki of all people is pregnant and i am not. but i am not angry. i am just treading water until i understand how to be happy no matter what.

today we received a donation at work in honor of god.

at first it made me laugh – where do i send the acknowledgement for starters!? but while i looked at a stranger’s handwriting, i realized, there is much of god around me.

i probably should start there on my quest to happiness.


losing my religion, by rem


9 thoughts on “oh life, it’s bigger, it’s bigger than you.

  1. I also think of another wrestle- Jacob wrestles all night with a messenger from God- and when he is done, he is so changed that he requires a different name.

    The exclamation point on A Giving God! speaks joy to me.

  2. thank you, I needed this. I’ve been wrestling with the Lord for sometime as well and I can’t quite seem to feel that peace I’ve been seeking. I guess I have not fully submitted to the Lord’s will to gain that eternal perspective to be happy. I love your posts.

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