when you have your moon time,
you just want to eat junk food and lay on the couch.
moon time is what my little sister rachel calls her monthly lady visitor. if you still aren’t sure what moon time refers to, think back to grade school when the boys were excused so the girls could discuss punctuation.
and sometimes when you have your moon time, you find yourself driving to safeway on the way home and walking up and down the aisles for what sounds good.
you almost buy deli chicken strips that have sat under a heat lamp for far too. but instead of dinner you buy chocolate covered pretzels, gummy bears and a 20 ounce bottle of coke. not coke zero that you periodically drink and try to pretend tastes just. like. coke. but coke coke.
and then when you get home you warm up your rice bag and lay on the couch cuddled up in a blanket. you watch the shows you have recorded. you watch shows you normally don’t watch on demand. and when you’ve exhausted those options, you skip between HGTV and the food network.
each of my moon times now seem to cause me emotional pain along with the physical. i also feel defiant with each passing month.
and so, despite my nightly vitamin and medicine ritual. despite my meticulous counting days. despite expensive ovulation kits and pregnancy tests. despite avoiding a variety of forbidden foods and drinks just in case. i find myself in the dark. on the couch. surrounded by plastic wrappers and an empty coke bottle.
that is how christian found me last month.
he was very concerned about one thing.
that coke bottle.
the coke bottle that cost $1.38 for only 20 ounces. the coke bottle that totally was not in any way a good deal. the coke bottle that was unnecessary because we had coke cans at home in the pantry.
he didn’t understand that sometimes, you just want a bottle of coke.