last night christian said he kisses asher on the head every night before bed and every morning before he leaves for work. something about those kisses, that i didn’t know about until just then, made my whole body smile.
when we left the hospital i was ready to be home. in my own bed. without people intruding on our space every half hour. i felt confident and prepared to take care of our baby. and then we stepped through our front door, and set his car seat down. for a brief second i was seized with fear. what now? we were in charge of this little person. there would be no call button. no immediate assistance or relief. it was just us and this little baby.
the fear quickly passed but not the shock at being a mom.
a few months ago while shopping i stepped away from the stroller just as the teenage clerk peered down at asher. in a voice heard throughout the store she commented on the cute baby and then asked if he was mine. yes, i said, he is mine. she then said just as loudly, you’re a mom? her surprise at my mom-ness in that moment matches my continual surprise. that he used to be inside of me. that he is here. that he is so active. that he is constantly growing. that he is ours.
we are his mom and his dad. he is our little boy.
since asher’s first night christian whispers the same things in his ear daily – we are so glad you are here. we are happy you are part of our family. we love you. when i look in his eyes i think he understands what we are telling him.
i stare at him too much. i hold him too long. but it’s because i know these moments are fleeting. i know he is constantly changing. as much as i miss the tiny new baby he was, i love the little spirit that stares back at me. that laughs with me and tries to talk to me.
things for us are different with him but i think those differences make this 7th year pretty great.