78 weeks.

what would you do, if you could do anything? christian asked. would you go back to school?

my heartbeat quickened.

i don’t know. i muttered, a little embarrassed. a nervousness filled me that hasn’t abated.

hearing you can do anything with a communications degree is just about as helpful as being told you can do anything with a law degree. in 2007. when christian started a very difficult, many year job search.

while i appreciate my communications background, my emphasis was broadcast journalism. my studies were prior to so much that shapes the industry now. with the explosion of the internet, blog reporting, 24-hour news stations and camera phones, my tv experience, now eight years in the past, is very outdated.

what would you do, if you could do anything?

that question has nagged, no, haunted me all day, each day since he first asked it.

what would i do?

nutrition and public health interest me, but my undergrad was lacking in science and mathematics. my heart has always been with international development but we don’t live in the right area for those kinds of jobs. i dream of being a real baker but worry if it were a profession i would lose my desire for recreational baking.

and then there is writing.

despite my lack of posts this year  – i am always composing something in my mind. the beginnings of so many stories, partial ideas, drafts… they all wait for me.  they wait for me to devote time to them. the kind of time that lets me flesh out what i really want to say. time that focuses on what those moments have taught me.

they need time without a little whopper climbing on my lap, pushing me aside, attempting to type on the keyboard.

this week i asked christian to give me a blessing of comfort to help with the demands of my position at church. i was impressed that at the end he spoke, not of my religious duties – but of my maternal ones. he spoke about being the mother that asher needs.

i have had 78 weeks with my little whopper. 1.28.15i am grateful that i have the ability to be with him so fully. i am very much aware what a luxury that time is.

i’m still not sure what i will do professionally in the future, but for now, i will let that crazy little boy steal my iphone and watch for the zillioneth time as he makes multiple password attempts and disables my phone in seconds.


7 thoughts on “78 weeks.

  1. Oh how I’d love to have a chat session. I feel like Id learn so much ch from your counsel and spirit. I’ve been contemplating the same things. I love the way you write and often feel deified by your words. You are an amazing lady hermana tanner!

    1. Edified not diefied!!! *sigh* Dang autocorrect! Doesn’t it know it’s too late for me to proofread before I post?!??

      1. Ha!!! Autocorrect kills me! I’d love to catch up with you too! Can you believe how long it’s been? Thank you for such a kind comment. I really appreciate it!

  2. we live in a world that prescribes trying to “have it all.” Having it all, IF it was even possible, which I don’t believe it is, nor do I believe is necessary, would occupy more hours and lists and commitments, and organization,…etc. Its okay to live in season. For each person that season will hold different compilations of experiences. Don’t fret over it. Don’t stress. Focus on the day at hand. Your blessings of now. Bake with delight for your husband, lil’whopper and dear friends (eh hem… that would be me:)), mother your lil’whopper by day and love it. He won’t be lil’ for long. Write by night, as you are. It will all work together and shift in priority as time goes on. Things ebb and flow.

    1. All very good advice! This is why I keep you around… so you’ll bake me bread and tell me how it is… but mostly so you’ll bake me bread 😉 I am very grateful for this season and will make the most of it like you suggest!

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